1Nicole's+Tale+of+Utopia

=__Navigation Bar__= 1Nicole's Homepage 1Nicole's Blog 1Nicole's Animal Farm 1Nicole's Tale of Utopia 1Nicole's webquest YUO

Atlantis caused no commotion As it slipped into the ocean for the leaders could not succeed When focused only on power and greed Because the peasants still toiled Though they could see the government soiled not a second thought they gave so now may they rest in their watery grave

Atlantis Sinks
by: Nicole Sheffels

 Atlantis was a city designed by a great inventor. He sadly passed long before it was built. It was centered on a system of motors, pulleys, and structures that held it aloft in the ocean. The inhabitants were people who were outcast from the society they lived in. They became farmers, cooks, and craftsmen in a new city with a democracy. The country was nearly self-sufficient the only problem was the very delicate structure because the wire that held it together was a 20 day journey away.

 They were on good terms with Draht (the country that made the wire) but the wire was still expensive. So Atlantis sold extra goods slowly gaining money soon they had enough to hold them if every wire broke 5 times. A vote was proposed it said with this money we could go to war with the wire suppliers and get it for free for the rest of their existence. The vote passed… barely. Half of the available citizens were sent overseas. It was a small force barley reaching half a thousand it only filled 5 ships.The remaining half stayed and worked the fields and shops. After 42 later 3 ships returned a cry went up and all came racing to the shore. the other 2 ships did not show on the horizon. When the ships docked one was only ½ full. They had lost and lost badly. Not only did they lose ¼ of the population but they now had to travel 30 days to get wire from Trete Fil, an island on the other side of Atlantis. There was a general consensus that democracy wasn't working. They formed a democratic republic where they would vote on representatives every other year. A counsel of 13 was elected. There first business was find money to fix a bridge in the corner of the town. They voted to use the last of their war fund. So with no resources they settled many more problems. However soon it was apparent they needed more money. An issue on the agenda was a small lot it had once been used for a support structure but when the design became more efficient it was forgotten. Now there was a controversy what would be done with the land, a park or would it be sold at auction? It was a dead tie for one representative was home sick. A idea was brought up, why not sell the last vote they could get money to buy wire.

Then more sinister ideas came up such as paying themselves. It was agreed to sell the vote. They received much more money than expected. The lot was sold the next day at public auction. The money was divided evenly amongst the 12. But word got out. It spread like a cold in the close quarters of Atlantis. Out raged citizens left to another country hoping for a better place free of corruption. Desperate to regain their power they dismissed the rumors with a simple “we will fix everything.” They sold a few votes here and a few there but never did they admit to anything. But they faced a problem more and more people left leaving the remaining working twice as hard. The elected took more and more of the profits. People notice the broken wires and sagging structures. There worries were quelled with a “we will fix everything.” Day after day people left work still increased. Wires broke. A bridge collapsed. “We will fix everything.” “We will fix everything.” “We will fix everything.” The day finally came. Half a structure collapse the remaining swayed into the sea. the taking with it the treasure and the 13 who owned it down to the bottom. Along with the few who stuck to the end. The ones who left visited the site only one pole remained sticking out. The ones who had left attached a poem engraved in stone.

Atlantis caused no commotion As it slipped into the ocean for the leaders could not succeed When focused only on power and greed Because the peasants still toiled Though they could see the government soiled not a second thought they gave so now may they rest in their watery grave

=The end =

The only changes I made was a few spelling mistakes and some punctuation errors. The poem at the end was really good! Great job! -Maddie Good

DEAN GROOM 2 The many aliens had just hopped in when a group of earthlings, which had lost their mother-ship, fled to Pluto, laughing feebly and wandering from side to side to find some rock where they would not be murdered on. The lead alien made a sort of wall round them with her great rocks, and the earthlings sat down inside it and promptly screamed in terror. At the last moment Alex, the scary, curly-haired purple Martian who ate the lead aliens prisoners, came frolicking daintily in, chewing at a clump of faces.

MIDDLE _ BEGINNING _ END Work Sheet


 * <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #000000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive;">Describe the start of your story. || * <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #000000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive;">Introduce your characters:


 * <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #000000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive;">What do they want?


 * <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #000000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive;">Where are they going? ||
 * <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #000000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive;">What happens in the middle of your story? || * <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #000000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive;">How will all your story and characters develop?


 * <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #000000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive;">Plot Twists and Turns?


 * <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #000000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive;">How will you lead up to the climax? ||
 * <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #000000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive;">Outline the climax...How does the story end? || * <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #000000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive;">Is your ending what your readers are expecting?


 * <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #000000; font-family: 'Comic Sans MS',cursive;">Have you used foreshadowing throughout your story ||

==